The Xiaolin Sue Parodies
by sentimentalvalue
Summary: Are you sick of the front page being covered in stories about MarySues? Well then this is the place for you! It's a series of OneShots about the different 'types' of 'Sues. It's crazy OOC humor! [Complete...for now...]
1. Raimundo

**Hey there everybody! I got the idea to make a Xaiolin Showdown Mary-Sue parody a while ago, and here it is! Each chapter is about the same 'Sue falling in love with a different person. Cause you know how all those stories follow a trend. For anyone who doesn't know what a Mary-Sue is, what are you doing here? And I'm just gonna warn you now, this story goes WAY over the top. As I said each chapter is a different guy, the first one it Raimundo. Enjoy:**

"Children we have a new dragon joining the team." Master Fung announced to the other monks while they were training. "Her name is Jill." Master Fung then stepped aside reveling the girl.

She had long brown hair that came all the way to her ankles. Her hair was a bright as the sun and super shiny and soft. Her eyes were bright purple and glowed. She was skinny enough to be anorexic and was taller than everybody else. She had about four tattoos and a bunch of scars that somehow didn't make her seem any less pretty. She was perfect in everyway and anyone who saw her thought she was beautiful.

"Master why have we had like twenty new team members in a year, all with the name Jill?" Raimundo asked. Before he could answer Rai's gaze shifted to Jill. His mouth fell open in shock. "H-H-Hi…" He stuttered, cause you know, Jill was just too dang pretty!

"Jill, why don't you introduce yourself?" Master Fung suggested.

"Okay!" Jill replied in a shrill-bubbly-voice. "Okay I'm like the dragon of like lightness, darkness, rainbows, cookies, butterflies, chocolate, thunder, soap, beauty, lighting, psychic stuff, the moon, then sun, the clouds, cake, babies, animals, and hairbrushes…That's like it, right Master Fung?"

"I think you may have forgotten some stuff Jill, but that's okay. I'm going to go do what us old people do. You know walking away and doing nothing so you guys can fall in love and goof off without me noticing, because I'm obviously so oblivious to everything." Master Fung explained and then left.

"Oh yeah and I'm the dragon of ether." Jill said.

"What's ether?" Clay asked.

"I have no idea!" Jill shrieked in her little annoying voice. "But it's my power! And like just so you like know, I could like take over the world but like I'm still to weak to like defend myself so like you gotta be careful cause like I think like in chapter two Jack Spicer is gonna like kidnap me." Jill explained.

"Okay Jill, we'll be sure to act like the helpless people we are so you can save the day too." Kimiko replied.

"That would like be like great!" Jill said back. She like liked saying like, like a lot, if you couldn't like tell. Like, like, like, like, like.

"Wow Jill…you're pretty…" Raimundo said stupidly.

"Oh my god, I like know!" Jill replied.

"You're so hot. I think this is love at first sight." Rai replied being completely "In-Character."

"Oh my god, Rai, I like love you." Jill said and walked over to him. Clay, Kim, and Omi, who had mysteriously not said anything during the introduction because we all know he doesn't like to talk a lot, left to leave the two "love-birds" alone.

"Me to Jill." Rai replied and came closer until they were almost touching.

"Oh my god lets like make out!" Jill yelled and pulled Rai into a hot, hot, kiss.

"Raimundo! Why?" Kimiko cried from the temple, because it's so dang obvious that she likes him! I mean why else would she shove him off every time he makes a move on her? (A/N: I hate Raikim…Erm, back to the story.)

"Young love is so great." Omi finally spoke while watching Jill and Rai eat each others faces.

"Mmm I want some barbeque steak because clearly the only thing I care about is food." Clay explained.

"Jill…I…Love…You…So…Much…Don't…Ever…Leave…Me…" Raimundo said between gasps or air.

"Same here Rai!" Jill told him when she pulled away. "Rai I like love you so much…Oh my god, lets do it!" And the happy new couple walked away arm-in-arm...

**Well…That was something new and odd. I hoped you enjoyed the first part of The Xiaolin Sue Parodies. I actually have a lot of people to thank for helping to put this idea in my head, but it's a long list that I'd rather not do now. But I'll get around to it. Anyway please review, and if you hated it, then flame. I want to know if there someone out there who's actually going to defend the dreaded Mary-Sues. And sorry about the OOCness, but hey, that's what Mary-Sues do! Review!**


	2. Jack

**Wow. I had no idea this story would do as well as it did. I mean I knew people would like it but…wow. Well the next chapter is here, this one is about Jack. R&R and enjoy:**

The monks awoke to the most horrifying sound on the planet. A sound so unpleasant, so sinister, that could only be one thing: Jill was screaming.

"Ahh! Oh my god, someone like save me cause like Jack Spicer is like kidnapping me and like that's like not good!" How Jill was able to say the entire run on sentence, and continue to scream, is a mystery to us all. But then again, Jill was perfect, so having a lung capacity that great is something that special.

"If you don't shut up right now I'll kill you!" Jack threatened a struggling Jill. And of course we all know that Jack is so evil and cruel and cold hearted. I mean obviously he's killed before! I mean don't all the heylin people just seem like crazy mass murderers? (A/N: I am sick of all those fanfics were the heylin people are super evil. Well guess what people? THEY'RE NOT THAT BAD!)

"Oh my god please don't like kill me that like wouldn't be like nice." Jill implored.

"I said shut up!"

"Dude where are my like friends? Shouldn't they like be here like now? I've been screaming for like two minutes!" Jack had just about had enough of her annoying little voice. To us it may be imaginary, but something about the way she speaks, you can just hear it in your head, you know?

"Shut up!" Jack yelled tugging her.

"Ow I like broke a like nail! Here I'll fix it with my like healing powers!" Jill said and the nail was magically fine. "It's nice having all the powers."

-meanwhile-

"Kids! Kids! Jill is being kidnapped! Shouldn't we do something?" Dojo asked while frantically "running" around.

"No she told us not to get her." Kimiko mumbled.

"Wait, what?" Raimundo jolted awake. "We have to save her!" Without hesitating he got out of bed and bolted outside, only to find something he never expected.

"Raimundo! It's like not what it like looks like, like!" Jill yelled when she pulled away from Jack.

"Really? Because it looks to me like you were making out with Jack Spicer!" Rai started to sob.

"We were!" Jack said smiling like an idiot.

"I'm like so like sorry Rai. I like love you but I like love Jack too." Jill said and tried to kiss Rai.

"No Jill! I still love you but you're with Spicer now." He said pushing her back.

"Yes! Raimundo is mine again! Yes!" Kimiko yelled in victory and pounced on Rai. "Oh Raimundo I love you so!" (A/N: I will never forgive myself for that…But hey, it IS a parody!)

"But Kimiko I love Jil-" Rai started but Kim cut him off with a passionate kiss. "But I'll settle for you for re-bound."

"That's my Rai!" Kim pinched his cheek.

"How come the authoress doesn't ever give us lines?" Omi whined.

"Maybe she doesn't like us." Clay suggested.

"No, I am certain she loves me." Master Fung replied.

"Are you kidding?" Dojo asked. "She hates you Fung! In fact, out of all us, she likes me the most." (A/N: It's a fact. I hate Fung, love Dojo. Not to found of Omi and Clay either. Back to the story.)

"No way! She loves me the most!" Omi butted in.

"No! She loves me more than a pile of fish at a buffet in the middle of winter!" Clay persisted.

"Hah! If you knew her at all you would know she hates fish!" Omi yelled.

"Okay like guys, the author is like sick of you fighting over her. She doesn't even like, like any of you, except for like Dojo. So like shut up cause me and like Jack are like having a like moment!" Jill butted in and then went back to snogging Jack.

"Jill I love you!" Jack said hugging her.

"Oh my god! Jack I like love you like too!" Jill said squeezing back. "Oh my god, lets like do it!"

"Okay!"

**Yeah…I'm noticing a trend here! Oh and I thought of the PERFECT ending! It's so hysterical, everyone will love it. I swear. As for the whole Fung/Dojo/Omi/Clay thing, I thought it might be kinda funny to put it in there. Besides, I had to give them so lines SOMEHOW! Review please! Also, I will probably be updating Seemingly Innocent later today. Happy April fools day everyone! Now, get to those reviews!  
**


	3. Chase Young and the Awesome Ending

**Last chapter. (sighs and cries uncontrollably.) (sniff sniff.) I'm okay now. Well it might not be the last chapter. I may add more. Maybe. R&R and enjoy:**

Since going off with Jack Spicer, Jill had just been hanging out with Jack all the time. Well that was about to change.

"Ah! Oh my god! I, the xiaolin dragon of lightness, darkness, rainbows, cookies, butterflies, chocolate, thunder, soap, beauty, lighting, telekeneis, the moon, the sun, the clouds, cake, babies, animals, healing, hairbrushes, cows, horse radish, bananas, ether, dragons, bugs, lakes, and incredibly shiny-hair, am being kidnapped again!" Jill somehow managed to shriek in one breath. But before anyone could go after her she was swept away by her kidnaper.

-

"Oh my god, like where like am I, like?" Jill asked. "And like who like are you?"

"My name is Chase Young," Chase, the kidnaper, told her. "And you are going to help me take over the world."

"Like, um, no, like." Jill answered. (A/N: MY GOD, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST SAY "NO" YOU LITTLE ANNOYANCE!) "I don't like wanna like take over the like world."

Chase starred at her for a real long time before speaking again, "Why…Why do I feel…attracted to you?"

"It's that 'sue charm!" Jill smiled, flashing her brilliant pearly white teeth.

"I…I want to be….good." Chase answered. "I don't want to be heylin! I want to be with you!" And with that he leaned forward and kissed the minor.

"I LIKE LOVE YOU LIKE!" Jill exclaimed when he pulled away.

"Me too!" He responded and kissed her once more.

"Lets like do it!" Jill screamed. She was about to walk off with Chase when suddenly the door fell down, reveling Rai, Omi, Clay, and Jack.

"Jill, why?" Jack sobbed at the sight of Chase and Jill.

"Jill I left Kimiko! Be with me!" Rai said approaching her.

"No Jill be with me!" Omi yelled running ahead of Raimundo.

"What about me?" Clay whined.

"Well Jill…make your pick." Chase said. "Me, or one of THEM?"

"I…like…um…like…choose…like…like…like…like…" She said thinking it over. Suddenly another cash was heard and the stone wall broke away. Beyond it stood Wuya, Kattnape, and Kimiko…all holding machine guns.

"Hey guys!" Jill started. "I was like just like thinking about yo-" She said but was cut off.

"Silence slut!" Wuya yelled shooting at the ceiling. The bullets bounced off and fell to the floor.

"What do you like want from me, like?" Jill asked scared.

"We want out men back!" Kimiko yelled holding her machine gun to Jill.

"Yeah!" Kattnape added. "How dare you steal Jack from me?"

"But I don't even like you!" Jack started but when Ashley starred at him he stopped.

"Wuya I don't like you either!" Chase yelled.

"Everybody shut up!" Wuya yelled blasting more bullets.

"Guys I'm like sorry if I like stole your like guys, but they like just like love like me." Jill explained.

"Enough chit-chat! Girls, lets do what we came here to do!" Kimiko yelled. At the count of three all of the gals raised their machine… and took aim…

"DIE BITCH!" They yelled together, set the guns to rapid fire, and shot Jill hundreds of times.

"Like ow!" She exclaimed and fell on the floor, blood oozing from her body, which was covered in bullet holes.

"Jill!" The boys all exclaimed in unison and ran to her side.

"Jill…" They all said again softly, kneeling beside her, and started to cry.

"Guys…I just want you to know…that I like love you…and like…also I like…like…like." And with one last gasp, Jill died.

THE END

**I thought the word "like" would be an appropriate dying word. And also, YES SHE'S DEAD! I don't think there is anyone who is disappointed with this ending. But if you are, tell me so. I myself am a little disppointed in the fact that I didn't make it longer, but I deffinalty love everything in this.  
**

**Anyway, I may continue. If I do it'll probably be some spin-off of what would've happened if she didn't die. But just so you know, it's most likely over. Sorry.**

**And for the record, I HATE ChaseWuya, JackAshley, and RaiKim! I only put them in the story because it's a parody! A parody where extremely OOC things that will NEVER happen, happen!**

**Well I hoped you all enjoyed The Xaiolin Sue Parodies! Review on your way out, and check out my other stories!**


	4. Jill Replies Your Reviews

**Alright I can't resist adding another chapter, so here it is! Basically Jill got on my computer and wasn't to happy about some of your reviews…Enjoy:**

"Okay guys like listen like up! You guys have like been so like mean to like me!" Jill yelled at the reviewers. "I'm special! I'm beautiful and powerful and…"

"Annoying." The author groaned.

"No I'm like not!" Jill argued. Under normal circumstance the author would've argued back, seeing as she is very stubborn, but she was sick of hearing Jill's voice so she let her "win."

"You like people owe me some like serious apologies, like!" Jill continued to scream at the poor reviewers.

"Jill, can we wrap this up?" The authoress asked tapping her foot angrily.

"Like alright!" Jill said. "I'll do this by reviewer and by chapter, okay?"

"Wow, you got through a sentence with out saying like!" Rebekah, the author, exclaimed.

"Okay, like chapter one. Awsum-loser, what like is wrong with like that? So what if I like change my like mind. There's nothing wrong with being like preppy and then being like gothy and then being like-"

"You'd be amazed at how long these conversations can go on…" Rebekah thought out loud.

"Kimiko's cousin, so like what? I can like talk for like however long I like want, ya like hear? And what are these like run-like-on sentences you like speak of?"

"I could tell you that. It's when-" Rebekah started but was cut off by Jill,

"I don't like care what it like is! DramaQueen20000, Stop like hurting Rai! What did he like do to like you? Annabees, MY SCARS ARE TO SEXY!"

"Yeah…You think that…" The author mumbled.

"You know like what, Rebekah? No one like wants to hear your like comments, so like shut like up!" Jill yelled at her.

"Your one to talk…"

"Any like way," Jill continued. "On to chapter like two. DArkliTe-sPirit, Jack could like so to kill people! He was like gonna kill me until I like fell in like love with him, like!"

"Jack is afraid of the dark, you really think he would kill?" Rebekah asked.

Ignoring Rebekah, Jill continued, "On to chapter three."

"Chapter two didn't have a very long list." Rebekah noted.

"Hey I'm like talking here!" Jill told her, steeling the spot-light once again. "Like chapter like three, DramaQueen20000, hey like don't like call me like that! You're so like mean I could like cry!"

"Please don't, you're annoying enough with out your wailing." The author implored. "And guys I'm really sorry about her…"

"TammerTerra, I think like that girl like sounds like awesome! And I would like be her like best friend! But I am like so much better and cool, I'm so like cool I should be God!"

"Now there's a scary thought!" Rebekah exclaimed.

"Hey like annabees, I'm like working on it like okay? I'll have that like cure sometime! And finally, Hybrid-sunshine. Your reviews were just so like UGH that you like get your own section!"

Rebekah sighed loudly, "Here we go…"

"You are like the meanest like person I have ever like meant!" Jill started yapping.

"Hybrid, I am so sorry…"

"And like what's with like killing me all the like time?" Jill continued. "It's so like mean, and someone like as cool as like me will like never die! And you know what else? You like-"

"Whoa wait a second." Rebekah cut in. "You said you would never die, but you died in the last chapter!"

"I did?" Jill asked surprised.

"Yeah you did."

"Oh wow…like…" Suddenly Jill gasped loudly and collapsed to the floor. Dead.

Rebekah started laughing evilly and pulled a small shiny bottle out of her pocket. "This stuff is so cool." She said to herself, examining the poison. "And once again, I'm sorry about Jill. She's just so…ugh."

"Okay, every body like review on your like way like out!" Jill said getting up.

"AH! DIE!" Rebekah screamed and smacked her head with a chair, knocking her to the floor. "Like anyone will even review if she asks like that! Now, dear readers whom I love, please review and I shalt do something nice to thee in return."

"Thee? Shalt? Whom? Like why so like proper and like stuff?" Jill asked, being raised from the dead yet again.

"You. Are. Suppose. To. Be. Dead." Rebakh said and scowled. "Gimme that!" She added taking Kattnape's machine gun. "I'll be right back folks."

**REVIEW! And that was it. No more! None! I will not be persuaded! Actually I probably will but…JUST REVIEW!**


	5. The Devil Has a Brother?

**Alright…I couldn't resists...enjoy:**

When we last left off, Jill had died a horrible bloody death. But, Jill is just like SO FREAKEN POWERFUL that she made time go backwards so now she's alive! She is like the coolest!111

So anyway, after coming back from the dead she went back to the temple to fulfill her xiaolin dragon duties. Oh and did I mention she's already a xiaolin dragon, and is also the leader along with Rai? Okay, we're all on the same page now; good.

"Students, come here." Master Fung announced one day.

"What is it master Fung?" Omi asked.

"We have a new student." He answered.

"What?" Kimiko exclaimed. "But we just got a new student; Jill." She glared at Jill then wrapped her arms around Rai, who was unaffected.

"Yeah like master Fung. What you like mean that we're like getting like a new student, like?" Jill asked in her perfectly shrill voice.

"I'll just let you guys meet." Master Fung said.

"Mmm meat…" Clay gushed. Because you know the ONLY thing Clay cares about it meat! It's not like he'd notice a new student or anything!

Fung stepped aside revealing the most handsome boy the world has ever seen! He was much taller than everyone else and his masculine muscle bulged through his shirt. And he had a six pack!111!1

His hair was a brilliant brunette color that was spiked up with out the use of gel. His hair was SO PERFECT that it stood up on its own! He wore a leather jacked and lots of black. And he was so frikken hott that he made the girls AND THE BOYS fall head over heals in love!

"My names Josh." The boy said in his perfect manly voice. He then flicked his head to the side causing a lock of hair to move out of the way of his perfect emerald eyes. He then wink and it looked so awesome it made some nearby birds over head faint!

"Oh my like god!" Jill exclaimed. "It's like you, like!"

"Jill, is that you?" Josh asked, and then winked again. His thing was winking…

"Like yes like!"

"I missed you!" He exclaimed and then pulled Jill into a hug. He winked again but no one could see it.

"Huh? What's going on?" Raimundo asked. He then gasped, "Don't tell me you dated this guy Jill!" He started to sob at the thought of loosing her.

"Like no!" Jill pulled away. "He's like my long lost brother like."

Josh nodded. "Long ago me and Jill were separated. We're twins you know! Anyway, let me tell you my past sob-story even though you didn't ask." Wink. "It all started when our mother died during child birth. Cause we we're like so perfect that one of us couldn't be younger or older, so we came out at the same time and mom died." Wink.

"And like then," Jill took over, "The sight of our like perfect naked baby bodies was like to like overwhelming for like him and he like dropped down dead. Like looks can like kill, like! And our little baby bodies we're like so awesome cause like I had like little baby like boobs, and Josh had like little baby six packs!"

"So then," Josh started up again with another cute wink, "This man found us. And this woman did to. And then man took Jill and the women took me. And they we're drug addicts, and they had no money, and we lived on the street, and it was horrible, AND WHY AREN'T YOU CRYING AT THE SAD STORY?" Wink.

"So like the man and women lived in separate places but like they were like the same. And like the man would like rape me and like the women would like molest him, like." Jill said.

"But don't forget the Chase Young parts Jill!" Josh reminded her with a wink.

"Oh like yeah!" She exclaimed. "Then one day Chase Young found us and raised to be evil and kill."

"Wait!" Raimundo yelled before Josh could finish up. "Jill I thought you 'loved' Chase, and now your telling me he was like your father?"

"But like Raimundo he like got amnesia. And like I got it to and like…um…and like now cuz I'm so perfect I remember again!" Jill answered.

"And don't forget about me Jill!" Josh exclaimed and then winked. "I ran away from home once because I didn't like Chase. And all in one day I became part vampire, demon, immortal, insert-some-cool-animal-here, and a fallen angel!" Wink.

"Wow that's like so sad!" Kimiko started crying.

"And who might you be?" Josh asked taking her hand and planting a small kiss on it.

"K-kimiko!" She screamed and then swooned over him. He looked up from her hand and winked, flashing his brilliant green eyes that would change color with his emotion. Kimiko nearly fainted.

"So what dragon are you?" Omi asked.

"Oh right." Josh winked. "There's this prophecy," wink, "about me. And I am the SUPERDUPERCOOLANDSPECIAL elemental dragon!" wink, "And that means I'm the dragon of fire, water, earth, and wind all at the same time!" Wink. Wink. Wink.

"But that's my element!" All monks exclaimed at the same time, except for Kimiko who was busy swooning over Josh.

"But I'm so much better than you guys." Josh retorted.

"He does have a point…" Clay said. Because Clay just KNEW that the awesomely hot Josh was better than them.

"So then its like, agreed, like right, like?" Jill asked.

"Yes." Omi said. "Me and Clay will go away and you and Josh can take over for us."

And then Omi and Clay never existed because I hateeeeee them!11!1! And Jill and Josh took their places.

"Raimundo," Jill said then flipped her hair in a sexy manor, "like, Raimundo!"

"Yes my love?" He asked.

"Let's like do it." She started for the bedroom.

"Your wish is my command!" And he followed her like a love sick puppy.

"Kimiko, "Josh winked.

"Yes Josh?"

"I love you."

"Oh my god I love you too!" Kimiko screamed.

"Let's do it then." They walked away, Josh winking.

And master fung and dojo died because no one cares about them. Chase and Wuya got married. And Jack and kattanpe ran away to vegas where they were married by a jack-bot. And Clay and Omi still don't exist, and everyone lived happily ever after.

**"The like end!" Jill exclaimed. **

** "Review on your way out!" Josh winked. **

** "That's it! I'm really not writing any more! The story is over now…Really! It is!" The author exclaimed, and nobody belived her because she always comes back and adds more to this story. **

** The author glared at the narrator. "IT'S OVER! THE END!" She yelled. "Now, review, please?" She said sweetly to the reviewers.**


	6. The Sue Contest

**Narrator: Now class, what did we learn today?**

**Students: That SV never keeps her promises; she always updates!**

**SV: (glares)**

**Alright, alright, I always update! I can't help it! And in case you didn't see the review I left, I'll say this once more: I DO NOT HATE OMI AND CLAY! I LOVE EVERYONE ON XIAOLIN SHOWDOWN! NOW STOP BOTHERING ME!**

**Ahem, on with the fic:**

"Hello all like people like reading this like fic, like!" Jill shrieked one after noon.

"How ya doin'?" Josh winked.

"Any-like-way," Jill continued. "Me and like Josh have like decided to like have a competition!"

"A competition to see who is the best!" Josh said with a very enthusiastic wink.

"Anyone can compete!" Jill nearly screamed. "Like!" She added, because she always has to say 'like' when speaking.

"Well I wanna compete!" Kimiko announced. "Sign me up!"

Jill started hysterical laughing. "You're like not going to beat like me! I'm like so perfect! I'm like the best!"

"What!" Josh said outraged. "I'm the best!" he declared.

"No you're like not." Jill persisted.

"I am so much better than you!11!1" Josh winked.

"ARE LIKE NOT, LIKE!" Jill yelled.

"ARE TOO!" Josh yelled back.

"NUH-LIKE-UH!"

"YES I AM!" Josh yelled then angrily blinked five times.

Jill started laughing again. "Why are we fighting? We're like both perfect!"

"We are! Aren't we!" Josh exclaimed like a happy five-year-old.

"Hey I wanna compete to!" Rai said.

"Yeah me to!" Clay said.

"And me!" Omi added.

"Ugh," Jill said, "what are you two doing here? I thought you disappeared!"

"Yeah well the author, Rebekah, was sick of getting hate-mail so she put us back in!" Clay explained.

"Yay for the hate of mail!" Omi declared.

"Right, like whatever," Jill brushed the issue aside, "Like anyway, for the competition we like decided like to have like OTHER characters come in!"

"WHAT?" Rebekah screamed.

"How'd you get back in the story?" Josh asked with a wink.

"It's my story I can do what I want!" She stated. "And stop winking, boy!"

"Well like whatever, it doesn't like matter." Said Jill. "In fact, like she can even like compete, like!"

"I'm not competing in your sue contest!" Rebekah exclaimed. "It's bad enough with you two! The only thing that could make it worse is if you added in Becky (A/N: Becky is my original Mary-sue. She was the focus of my first story.) and a bunch of Mary-sues from other authors!"

"Why, like, what a good like idea!" Jill exclaimed. "Like." She added once more.

"NO!" Rebekah screamed. "I won't allow it!"

-Scene change.-

You're in a room. There are many lights all over the place. In the middle of a room is a big red stage. Standing in the middle of the stage is Jill, wearing a beautiful silky white dress, and playing around with a microphone. Josh is on the stage too. He's wearing a black suit and is trying to get his microphone on.

The camera turns and you see Rebekah. She's been tied to the wall by the narrator because she tried to hit Jill with a frying pan. She also tried to stop the game show. And so the evil narrator, as she calls me, tied her up.

"YOU CAN'T HOLD ME FOREVER!" She screams at me. Silly girl. I am the invincible narrator! I can screw up the story! I can do whatever I want! I can do or say what I want and never get in trouble! I can-

"STOP BABLING!" Rebekah yelled. "Just do the freaken story!"

Well fine, I roll my eyes.

"Welcome to like the greatest competition ever!" Jill exclaimed into her microphone. "Today we are like hosting a game show where like people will show us their like talent! I'm your hostess, Jill!"

"And I'm your other host, Josh!" Josh winks.

"Our first contestant is Becky!" Jill exclaims. A crowd of people magically appears and starts cheering. Becky walks on stage. She looks just like the Rebekah, only she has red hair. And blue eyes. And she's tall…and skinny…and, okay she doesn't look a thing like Rebekah. Just like what Rebekah WANTS to be!

"Hey!" Rebekah shouted.

"Becky is the creation of sentimentalvalue, and appears in the story 'Jack and Becky,' she also has a brief appearance in 'After Thoughts,' and I'm sure much more." Josh explained. "She has a sad, sad past and is Jack's lover! She's also the xiaolin dragon of telekinesis! Give it up for Becky!"

The crowd roars once more and Rebekah sighs loudly.

"All like right Becky," Jill said, "Show us your like talent!"

"Okay!" Becky replied. "I am going to lift up this piano, using nothing but my mind!"

The audience gasps in amazement, and a grand piano is randomly dropped onto the stage. Becky walks behind the piano, concentrates, and soon it is floating in the air surrounded by a purple glow. And OF COURSE Becky's eyes turn purple as well. Becky holds the piano up for a minute, then uses her telekinesis to play a little tune on it.

The crowd cheers some more.

"Thank you, thank you!" Becky exclaims and puts the piano down.

"Wow, what a like totally cool performance that I COULD LIKE SO IMITATE PERFETLY OR EVEN LIKE BETTER SO VOTE FOR ME, LIKE!" Jill commanded the audience. At the end of the show the audience would decide who wins. Jill, who's eyes were a now an angry red, shoved Becky off the stage in rage.

"Eheheh," She laughed nervously. "I didn't mean like any of that, like!" She said quickly. "I was just like playing a little like joke on you!"

The audience laughs, even though it wasn't a funny joke. Rebekah rolls her eyes some more and tugs on the chains, trying to break free.

"Our next act is by," Josh winks, "Mary-Kate Ashley Olson Sabrina Stephanie Rose Tiffany Angelina Katharine Kathy Kelly Sarah Jessica Parker Alexandra Fairy Princess Gold Silver Jewels Happy Garnet Ruby Diamond Emerald Opal Magical Perfection Definitely not a Mary-Sue Pitt!" Josh finishes, and the crowd cheers.

Mary-Kate Ashley Olson Sabrina Stephanie Rose Tiffany Angelina Katharine Kathy Kelly Sarah Jessica Parker Alexandra Fairy Princess Gold Silver Jewels Happy Garnet Ruby Diamond Emerald Opal Magical Perfection Definitely not a Mary-Sue Pitt stepped onto the stage. She was thin enough to be anorexic, pale as… something very pale, with big blue eyes and long curly blonde hair. She was wearing a pink super short mini skirt and a very, very, very, very, very, super, super, super, super, small barely covering pink bikini top which showed off her flat stomach and curves and other girly/feminine stuff.

"Mary-Kate Ashley Olson Sabrina Stephanie Rose Tiffany Angelina Katharine Kathy Kelly Sarah Jessica Parker Alexandra Fairy Princess Gold Silver Jewels Happy Garnet Ruby Diamond Emerald Opal Magical Perfection Definitely not a Mary-Sue Pitt is related to every like celebrity ever, like!" Jill explained.

"She was created by Miss. Jenetari and appears in the story irrational, nonsensical, infatuation!" Josh winked many times.

"Your name is like so cool!" Jill exclaimed.

"Thanks!" She replied. "And don't forget that I, Mary-Kate Ashley Olson Sabrina Stephanie Rose Tiffany Angelina Katharine Kathy Kelly Sarah Jessica Parker Alexandra Fairy Princess Gold Silver Jewels Happy Garnet Ruby Diamond Emerald Opal Magical Perfection Definitely not a Mary-Sue Pitt, am Rai's lover! My eye lashes are so long and curly, and when I wink it's so fast that Christy Hui would have a hard time animating me! And I am totally not a mary-sue, by the way!"

"Oh yeah, totally!" Rebekah rolled her eyes.

"No one asked you!" The crowd shouted and then started throwing things at her.

"Oh get a life, you moronic-zombie-like-people!" She yelled back.

"ANY LIKE WAY," Jill said loudly getting the audience to pay attention again, "Mary-Kate Ashley Olson Sabrina Stephanie Rose Tiffany Angelina Katharine Kathy Kelly Sarah Jessica Parker Alexandra Fairy Princess Gold Silver Jewels Happy Garnet Ruby Diamond Emerald Opal Magical Perfection Definitely not a Mary-Sue Pitt, please show us your act!"

"Okay!" She replied in a shrill voice. "Can Raimundo please come on stage!"

Raimundo stepped onto the stage.

"I love you Rai!"

"OH MY GOD ME TO!" Rai yelled the hugged her tightly. The crow "aws." Jill starts to twitch.

"THAT'S LIKE MY POWER!" She bellows.

"Yeah well Rai totally likes me better!" Mary-Kate Ashley Olson Sabrina Stephanie Rose Tiffany Angelina Katharine Kathy Kelly Sarah Jessica Parker Alexandra Fairy Princess Gold Silver Jewels Happy Garnet Ruby Diamond Emerald Opal Magical Perfection Definitely not a Mary-Sue Pitt responds.

"DOES NOT, LIKE!" Jill screams. "AAHHH!" Jill dives at Mary-Kate Ashley Olson Sabrina Stephanie Rose Tiffany Angelina Katharine Kathy Kelly Sarah Jessica Parker Alexandra Fairy Princess Gold Silver Jewels Happy Garnet Ruby Diamond Emerald Opal Magical Perfection Definitely not a Mary-Sue Pitt and the two start bitch-slapping each other.

"Oh boy!" Rebekah exclaims. "Cat fight! Finally something interesting!"

"Jill stop!" Josh winks a million times. Josh dives into the pile and eventually pulls Jill off of her. Jill emerges a little tousled, but one flip of her ankle-length shiny brown hair, she looks fine again. Her dress is ripped and she stumbles to the middle of the stage. She rips the bottom of the dress off, and now it's like an entirely new dress!

"Give it up for Mary-Kate Ashley Olson Sabrina Stephanie Rose Tiffany Angelina Katharine Kathy Kelly Sarah Jessica Parker Alexandra Fairy Princess Gold Silver Jewels Happy Garnet Ruby Diamond Emerald Opal Magical Perfection Definitely not a Mary-Sue Pitt," Jill yells. The crowd cheers once more, because that is what they do. "the Rai stealer." Jill mutters.

Josh walks what's-her-face off the stage and Jill watches with beady eyes the whole time. When she's finally gone, Jill smiles and introduces the next guest:

"Our next contestant is Zoey!"

A tall blonde girl walks on stage and smiles at the crowd. She's very pretty and has blue-gray eyes.

"Zoey is the property of Lunar Lilly Muse, and appears in the story 'IT'S MY LIFE,' she is in all the break-offs, and much, much more." Josh said and winks.

"She's a drama queen and emotional basket-case." Jill adds. "She like feels whatever like her creator feels. She's like always in the spot-light, little attention hog!"

"Zoey has been with nearly all the guys in the Xiaolin Showdown fandom, and I'm sure many from other fandoms!" Josh winks.

"Little slut!" Jill yells.

"Yeah, slut!" The audience mimics.

"Hey!" Zoey exclaims. "You've been with all the guys before and no one calls you a slut!" Zoey yells at Jill.

"Um…" Jill says nervously. "Zoey is a young psychic gifted with premonitions. Zoey, please do your act." She changes the subject.

"Fine," Zoey says then mumbles something about Jill. Zoey walks to the middles of the stage and two dolls are lowered down on ropes. Zoey takes the dolls. The little plushies are modeled to look like Raimundo from Xiaolin Showdown, and Raz from Pyshconauts."

"Observe," Zoey says dramatically. Then, out of no where, she pulls out a knife and rips the dolls to shreds. "And that's what I do when my crushes dump me!"

"Maybe they wouldn't like dump you if didn't like stalk them." Jill told her. The audience giggles.

"Actually people, I change my mind." Zoey says. "That was just the warm-up, THIS is my real act." Zoey takes the knife and starts running at Jill, "AYIYIYIYIYIYIYI!"

Jill screams and starts running away. The crowd is gasping, and Rebekah is hysterical laughing.

"Uh, everybody give it up for Zoey!" Josh winks nervously while the security guards drag Zoey off.

"I'm voting for you, Zoey!" Rebekah yells amused with her act.

Jill clambers up the stages, her dress looking even worse.

"No problem." Jill says and rips more of the dress off, turning it into a very, very short mini-skirt-dress.

"Please welcome our next guest, Sue-Hybrid!" Josh winks.

A girl walks on stage. She is African-American and her hair is in a pony-tail. Her hair is long and shiny and her nails are all the perfect length. She looks like one of those skinny super models you see in magazines and had no pimples what-so-ever. She wore a blue and indigo hoody and headband.

"Sue-Hybrid, was once a normal girl named Hybrid-Sunshine. Then like I got into her like story and fed her a potion called like Insta-Sue!" Jill shrieked.

"She became this beautiful sue you see standing here right now! She is the xiaolin dragon of air conditioning and hates Jill with a passion. She is the property of Hybrid-Sunshine, and appears in the story 'Something Random.'" Josh winks. "Give it up for sue-hybrid!" The crowd cheers.

"Air-conditioning is not an element, like." Jill states.

"And horse-radish is?" Sue-Hybrid asks, annoyed.

"Um, yes, like." Jill says and the audience cheers for some random reason. "Whatever, Hybrid just do your act."

"Fine." She mumbles. "AIR CONDITIONG POWER!" She shouts. Suddenly dozens of VERY heavy air conditioners start falling from the ceiling, nearly hitting Jill and Josh. But mostly Jill. Rebekah laughs once more.

"All right that's enough of that!" Josh pushes Hybrid off stage. "Time for the xiaolin dragon's act!"

Clay, Omi, Rai, and Kim walk on stage and the crowd cheers.

"Wudai Orion Formation!" Omi shouts and the monks take their position.

"Ta-da!" Kimiko exclaims.

"That is like so boring." Jill says plainly. A lever appears out of no where and Jill pulls it. A trap door in the stage opens and the monks fall down, except for Rai. HIS HAWTNESS SAVED HIM1!11!11!

The audience laughs as the monks disappear.

"Now time for my act!" Josh winks happily. Her runs to the middle of the stage. He slowly winks his right eye. Then slowly winks her left eye. The audience is amazed. He keeps alternating eyes, and winking faster and faster until it's so fast that crowd can barely see his perfect eye-lids move.

He finishes up and the crowd cheers. They also momentarily faint from the hawtness.

"Thank you, thank you." He bows and then walks off stage.

The lights dim and three spotlights point towards Jill.

"And now, the moment you've all been waiting for!" Jill announced. "It's time for MY like act!" Jill rips off her dress revealing a sexy bikini. Music starts playing and she dances around the stage. The audience is clapping to the music.

After dancing for a minutes, she stops and does some gymnastics.

"None of the other contestants got this much time." Rebekah muttered under her breath.

Finally Jill stops the awful-nearly-pornographic-dance and runs to the middle of the stage.

"MARY SUE SLICER STUPID ELEMENT ATTACK!" She screams. (Credit for this attack goes to Suagrmakesmeangry)

Jill unleashed her awesome mega move, a storm of lightness, darkness, rainbows, cookies, butterflies, chocolate, thunder, soap, beauty, lighting, psychic stuff, the moon, the sun, the clouds, cake, babies, animals, hairbrushes, cows, horse-radish, bananas, dragons, bugs lakes, incredibly-shiny-hair, and ether and much more magically appears and circles around the stage. The attack WAS SO FRIKKIN POWERFUL THAT IT COULD DESTROYS EVERYTHING IN IT'S PATH!11!1Shift + 1!

The crowd goes absolutely wild.

"Thank you, thank you." Jill bows. "Like thank you!" She continues the thank-yous and blows kisses. The audience tosses many roses, teddy-bears, and much more onto the stage for her.

"OH COME ON!" Rebekah finally screams. The crowd falls silent and turns to her. "That was so stupid! This contest is blatantly rigged to make Jill win! Why is it even called a contest? This isn't a contest! It's the 'lets-watch-Jill-act-cool-show!' AND I THINK HER ACT SUCKED!"

The crowd gasps. Jill clutches her heart, like she was severely offended.

"I don't trust this audience at all!" Rebekah declared. "But I trust you guys!" She said to the readers. "Vote for your favorite act! Let this be a fair competition!"

And so Rebekah completely ruined Jill's act. And now YOU PEOPLE have to vote on who you want to win! SO UNFAIR!

"The narrator is only acting like this because Jill paid him." Rebekah told everyone.

I AM NOT!

"Are to!" Rebekah yelled.

Yeah whatever. VOTE FOR JILL!1!1!1!

"No, vote for who you want." Rebekah said. "You may vote for Becky; the psychic piano player. Mary-Kate Ashley Olson Sabrina Stephanie Rose Tiffany Angelina Katharine Kathy Kelly Sarah Jessica Parker Alexandra Fairy Princess Gold Silver Jewels Happy Garnet Ruby Diamond Emerald Opal Magical Perfection Definitely not a Mary-Sue Pitt; the um, Rai-stealer. Zoey; the girl who tried to murder Jill! Sue-Hybrid; the air- conditioning girl who ALSO tried to kill Jill, and also Josh! The Xiaolin monks; who did their formation thing-o. Josh; who preformed his 'excellent' winking-routine. Or Jill; the 'amazing' Mary-sue. THE CHOICE IS YOURS!" She finished.

Voteforjill, the narrator said quietly.

"Or you can vote for me!" Rebekah said. "For making the contest fair!"

YOU MEAN RUINING IT!

"Yeah whatever, just vote for your favorite!"

"VOTE FOR PEDRO!" Napolean Dynomite yelled.

"Napolean? How did you get here?" Rebekah asked confused.

"Uh…YOU NEVER SA ANYTHING!" He then ran away doing his signature run.

"Okay…VOTE!"

**Well you heard Rebekah, Vote! Review and vote for the winner! And yes, I do know fics where you are involved often end up very stupid, but you are ONLY voting for the winner. That's it. The rest of the story is mine to decide what happens! Now vote!**


	7. The Award Show

**So….tired…just got back…from vacation…so tired…enjoy:**

"Welcome back everyone!" Rebekah said and walked on stage. "I'm your NEW host, Rebekah!"

"I can't like believe you like got out of those like chains!" Jill pouted.

"Yeah, and made yourself the new host!" Josh complained and winked.

"Yeah well I'm cool like that so DEAL WITH IT!" Rebekah stuck her tongue out. "Anyway, let's get on with the awards!"

The contestant all walked on stage, and Josh and Jill took their places with them as well.

"Whoa!" Rebekah exclaimed.

"Like, what, like?" Jill asked.

"Becky, Josh, and that stupid 'sue with the long name-" Rebekah started but Josh cut her off.

"You mean Mary-Kate Ashley Olson Sabrina Stephanie Rose Tiffany Angelina Katharine Kathy Kelly Sarah Jessica Parker Alexandra Fairy Princess Gold Silver Jewels Happy Garnet Ruby Diamond Emerald Opal Magical Perfection Definitely not a Mary-Sue Pitt?" Josh winked several times.

"Yes, her." Rebekah scowled. "Anyway, all those people had NO votes what-so-ever!"

"That's a fricken' outrage!" Josh winked very angrily.

"No fair! My act was SO cool!" Becky complained.

"But Rai loves me!" Mary-Kate Ashley Olson Sabrina Stephanie Rose Tiffany Angelina Katharine Kathy Kelly Sarah Jessica Parker Alexandra Fairy Princess Gold Silver Jewels Happy Garnet Ruby Diamond Emerald Opal Magical Perfection Definitely not a Mary-Sue Pitt whined.

"Oh can it!" Rebekah shouted. "And get over it, you stupid 'sues!"

"Yeah! Stupid 'sues!" The audience shouted.

WAIT WHAT? What's this? HUH? The narrator is very confused.

"I got new people for the audience, ones who haven't been paid by Jill." Rebekah explained.

HOW DARE YOU! YOU LITTLE- OW!

"TAKE THAT STUPID!" Rebekah screamed.

WHY'D YOU THROW A FRYING PAN AT MY HEAD?

"You deserved it." She said simply. "ANYWAY, I had a new feature installed for all the people who lost."

"And just what might that be?" Becky asked.

"I'll show you," Rebekah smiled evilly from ear-to-ear. A lever appeared out of no where. Rebekah pulls the lever and Becky, Josh and long-name-girl all fall down a hole. The audience cheers.

"JOSH!" Jill cries loudly. "We're separated again!" She cries some more. "This is like so not right, like!" Jill says outraged.

"Now, on with the rest of the show." Rebekah said. "Wait what?" She says confused while looking at the cue card. "That can't be right! It says Pedro has two votes!"

"Well like yeah!" Jill tells her. "You and Napoleon like voted for him!"

"I didn't think it would actually count…" Rebekah grumbles. "Wait, this can't be true either…"

"What now?" Zoey asks.

"Somehow the monks have one vote, but Raimundo has two." She explains.

"CAUSE I'M JUST SO FREAKEN HAWT!11!1!1" Rai yells.

"Well that doesn't matter 'cause you're still a looser!" Rebekah pulls the level again and Pedro, Rai, and the other monks fall down a hole. This time, Raimundo's HAWTNESS didn't save him.

"RAI!" All the fangirls cry out.

"Oh get over it. He's not even hot!" Rebekah says. Everyone gasps and falls silent. Millions of people start glaring at Rebekah. "Um…just kidding…" She laughs nervously.

YOU SHALL DIE FOR THAT!

"NARRAOTR, WILL YOU SHUT UP!" The audience screams.

"Yes please do," Rebekah says. "Now, let me introduce to you the finalist! Finalist number one is Zoey!"

Zoey walks forward holding the dolls, which have been sewn together again, and bows to the crowd.

"Sue-Hybrid!" Rebekah announces.

Hybrid comes forwards as well, bows, and launches an air-conditioner at Jill. Then throws one down the open hole in the stage where the loosers are. The loosers scream in terror, everyone else, except Jill, laughs.

"Jill…" Rebekah scowls at the fact that she made it to the finals.

Jill smiles and comes forward, bows, blows kisses to the audience and is greeted by many roses and teddy bears, thrown by the narrator, of course.

YEAH GO JILL! WHOOP, WHOOP!

"NARRATOR!" Rebekah screams louder then possible. The narrators hushes up.

"And me!" Rebekah says happily. "I'm the other finalist!"

"You didn't like do anything like!" Jill complains.

"Whatever." She retorts. "In third place we have…REBEKAH!" The crowd cheers, and a lady comes out and gives Rebekah the bronze meddle.

"The contestant in second place, did very well. In fact, she only lost by one vote! In second place we have…ZOEY!"

The lady comes back and gives Zoey the silver meddle. Zoey bows and claws at the plushies for show.

"And now…the moment you've all been waiting for…" Rebekah says dramatically and the lights dim. "The winner of the coolest-person show is…SUE-HYBRID!" The crowd goes wild. Hybrid starts to walk forward when Jill starts screaming.

"NOT LIKE FAIR LIKE!" She complains. "I'm the TRUE winner, like!"

"Oh shut up Jill! I don't even know how you managed to swing like three votes, but you did! You probably paid the voters!" Hybrid yells. The lady comes back and gives Hybrid a big shiny gold meddle.

But just as she about to give her speech, she collapses to the floor. Her long shiny hair poofs out into an afro. Her perfect nails grow and shrink in size so they are no longer the same length. A bunch of pimples poof all over her face and her cloths change.

"Wha…What happened, like?" Jill asks. "That potion is suppose to last forever!"

"Well it wore off!" Hybrid shouts excitedly. "And now you're gonna die!"

"NO LIKE WAY!" Jill screams. "This is so like not right! I'm the winner! I like am!"

"Jill, I had a feeling something like this would happen, so I called in some back up." Rebekah says. She reaches over to a security guard and takes their walkie talkie. "COME ON IN GIRLS!" She shouts through it.

The walls collapses in revealing Kattnape and Wuya…holding their signature machine guns. Only this time they've got grenades and other weapons.

"Miss us?" They asked Jill simultaneously, then laugh evilly. Another walls collapses and Jack, Chase, and Hannibal bean are standing there waiting.

"And now we EVIL heylin KILLERS are coming to get you!" They say together.

"LIKE NO LIKE!" Jill screams in freight then jumps into the looser hole. She pops back up with the Josh and long-name-girl. Why she chose to save then: the world may never know…

"Too late to run Jill!" Rebekah yells. "We're coming to get all you stupid 'sues! This is what you get ruining for the fandom! CHARGE!" The 'Calvary' charges and chase after all the sues. The crowd cheers.

And so that is how it ends. Everyone is happy because the sues are being killed off by the army…the end!

_But the army of sue haters was busy with Jill. And they didn't see the other 'sues, Becky and Zoey, silently sneak away…_

**THE END…for now. I put that part at the end in case I decide to continue, which I probably will. But THAT'S IT for now. No more for a long time if ever!**

**But we all know I'll keep this up because it's my most successful story. Oh well. Review! And PLEASE check out my other work. I published like three new stories and they only got like two reviews.**


	8. The Fat Kid

**I…have…a serious problem…no matter how hard I try…I just…can't stop this fic…I just can't…Well no more, this is the last chapter! For real! For serious! FOR CEREAL! Right, well enjoy:**

(Nine months later…)

"WAH!" Jill shrieked one day. A shriek so loud that some nearby animals rolled over and died. "Like WAH!"

"Jill what is it?" Master Fung asked annoyed since her whining had woken them all up.

"I'm Like…(sob)…Like…(sob)…Like…(sob)…Like…(sob)…Like…" This continued for eight minutes while the rest of the temple gathered. "I'm like…(sob)…**FAT!**" Then she left out another shriek.

"Jill you are such an idiot!" Kimiko finally yelled after Jill's wailing slowed down.

"Like…what, like?"

"You aren't fat! You're **pregnant**!"

Jill screamed for thirty seconds straight, stopping at four second intervals to say 'like.'

"WHAT?" She finally asked. "Like."

Kimiko slammed her head against a desk that magically appeared out of no where. "Think about you! Nine months ago when Raimundo insisted that we rescue you from that pit at the contest you were fine, right? Then you slowly started to get bigger –at this Jill gasped offended- and now you look ready to pop! You've been eating the same way you always did, right?

"Like, yep." Jill nodded. "One meal a day and a nice throw-up every week."

Kimiko groaned. "Didn't need to know that…anyway, my point is you aren't fat, you're pregnant. Well, actually, you are fat, but that isn't the point."

There was a pause. Jill's face grew into a steady glare.

"You like know what I like think Kimiko, like?" Jill asked. Before Kimiko could utter 'don't know, don't care' Jill spoke again. "I think you are like a jealous like ugly like slut! And like a like whore like!"

There was a silence.

"Right…"

There was another pause.

"Like exactly…"

Pause.

"Soooooooooo…" Raimundo said casually. "Am I the father?!?!11!!!11!one! shift + 1!"

"Hmm like mmm…I don't like know, like." Jill looked puzzled rocking back and forth on her large stomach. "Well there like aren't like a big possibility of like men or anything like…it could only be like…one or like two guys…or like…maybe…it like could be like um…" She got very quite and squeaked the answer. "Eight."

"EIGHT!" Everyone yelled in unison.

"There's only twelve guys in the fandom!" Clay exclaimed.

"And that's counting the ones only in one or two episodes!" Omi added.

"Jill…who's in this group of eight?" Dojo asked.

"Well lets like see…I like did it with like Rai,"

Rai smiled.

"Then like Spicer,"

Rai scowled deeply.

"Oh! And then I like did it with Chase, that was like awesome, even though like he's like my father in like chapter five."

"Actually you never did it with Chase." Master Fung stated blatantly. "You just said you would. The author never wrote the scene because it would disturb her too much."

"Oh like shut like up like old man! You're only jealous cause I didn't like do it with like you!" Jill said outraged. "Anyway like the list doesn't matter. Besides, I'm like having an emotional like break like down here!"

"You are?" Everyone blinked, puzzled.

"Yes, like." She breathed. "This like reminds me of the time in like elementary school…"

"What time in elementary school?" Kimiko asked.

Suddenly the lights dimmed and focused on Jill like a spot light.

"You like may find this like hard to believe…" Jill began. "But I Jill, the xiaolin dragon of lightness, darkness, rainbows, cookies, butterflies, chocolate, thunder, soap, beauty, lighting, telekeneis, the moon, the sun, the clouds, cake, babies, animals, healing, hairbrushes, cows, horse radish, bananas, ether, dragons, bugs, lakes, and incredibly shiny-hair, was once," She breathed in deeply, "The fat kid." She said dramatically.

Shrieks and gasps came from the audience…the fic audience that is…the reader audience was laughing….right…

"You may think I'm just like exaggerating, like," Jill continued, "But I'm like not!"

"Oh my God, she's like not!" Kimiko couldn't help but snicker. Jill glared at Kim. Kimiko wrapped her arms around Rai and stuck her tongue out. Jill looked like she was going to faint.

"Everyday people would like tease me…" She continued. "They would like call me fatty…and like lardo…and like…fatty…" Jill continued. "And they used to be like 'hey Jill, like why are you so like perfect but so like fat at the same time?' and everyday I would like go home and like cry…because…(sob)…I was like…(sob)…like…(sob)…so like…(sob)…FAT!"

Jill continued for another three hours describing her torment of being the fat kid.

"When I think back on it I'm so like disgusted…I mean like, I was so like fat! I was like 130 pounds!"

Everyone's face dropped and they started to glare.

"A hundred thirty?" Kimiko asked, her voice raising. "A HUNDRED AND THIRTY? Jill there are people out there who can't even move they're so obese and you're talking about being ten-"

"Fifteen."

"Fifteen pounds over weight?" Kimiko continued. "Gosh Jill, I just can't…I just…You…I JUST CANNOT BELIEVE YOU!"

"OH MY GOD!" Jill suddenly screeched.

"What?" The boys all asked worried.

"I'm going into labor!" Jill shrieked.

Kimiko turned to the readers. "Folks, it doesn't work anything like this…"

(At the hospital)

"Oh like no!" Jill exclaimed. "I just like remembered! Like when me and Josh were born-"

"Did somebody say Josh?" All of sudden Josh and series of New York rockets and French can-can dancers came parading into the hospital room. And while they twirled and danced a large marching ban came in and played a tune while Josh enthusiastically blinked.

"Don't you mean winked?" Kimiko asked the narrator, but Josh answered.

"No! I blink now!" He then blinked. "Winking is so last year…" blink blink blink.

"ANY LIKE WAY!" Jill yelled diverting the attention back to her. "When like me and like Josh were like born we both came out at the same time! What if my babies do that!"

"Wait, what babies?" Josh blinked, he was out of the loop.

"I'm like pregnant you like idiot, like!"

"Oh! I thought you were just fat again!" Josh blinked in surprised. Jill started crying again.

All of sudden the door creaked open…

"I thought I might join you…" Rebekah said softly, emerging from the door.

"OH MY GOD LIKE THE BABIES ARE COMING!" All of sudden Jill EXPLODED with a powerful perfect "Poof!"

Her perfect guts showered around the room, somehow avoiding all the people. She was now in a million perfect pieces. Her mouth piece was left on her hospital pillow.

"Holy like crap!" The mouth exclaimed.

But no one paid attention because they were too busy looking at the babies. Yes, babIES. There were eight babies, each resembling their fathers…

"Let' see, there's Rai…" Kimiko pointed, Rai picked up his child. "That one is Jack's…Oh! There's Chase Young's! Eww…it has six toes…Okay….um…there's…CLAYS?"

"Yeah…we sorta got carried away one day, partner…" Clay cradled the blonde baby.

"And…oh no…" Kimiko groaned looking at yellow and bald baby. "Omi?"

Omi grabbed the baby in a way that clearly showed he had never held one before. "Jill taught me a most wonderful thing called s-"

"TOO MUCH INFO!" Kimiko screamed. "What about that green slithery one…er…Dojo?"

Dojo sniffed and started crying. "I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M A PARENT!"

"Okay…" Kim continued. "Oh my gosh, is that big red one…Cyclop's?"

"Yeah, like!" Jill's mouth shrieked. "You should see that guy in b-"

"JILL PLEASE!" Kimiko screamed. "And so…that little pale one that isn't crying or making a sound must be…Le Mime's? Holy crap Jill…I can't believe you…"

Finally the babies were given to their rightful, "happy," fathers but there was still one problem…

"Like, guys, will you like take care of my like mouth while I like generate a new like body?"

"Of course Jill's…mouth!" Raimundo exclaimed.

"NOOOOOOOOO! DON'T DO IT!" Rebekah yelled, snatched up Jill's mouth made a fist and threw out a window…into a children's park a few blocks away… "THERE MUST BE NO MORE NEW CHAPTERS!"

"Hey mommie look!" A little boy exclaimed when the perfect polished mouth landed in front of him. "A mouth! It's a mouth!"

"Uh-huhm yeah sweetie, a mouth." His mother said with out looking up from her book. The boy rallied up his friends and they all grabbed some sticks filed into points..

"Let's poke it!" He exclaimed.

"Yeah!" He friends echoed. And they all took turns poking Jill's lips to oblivion…

**THE END…AGAIN.**

**Yeah…don't ask, just review.**


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